Chris Voss is the expert on this topic, and I highly recommend his book “Never split the difference: Negotiate as if your life depends on it”.

Most people go into a negotiation assuming that it is a zero sum game, and that their opponent in this win-lose encounter is the adversary. The best negotiators, on the other hand aim for a win-win solution, and enlist the help of their negotiating opponent in battling the situation instead.

Your main goals should include:

• Doing all you can to show the other side that you are negotiating in good faiths
• Becoming genuinely interested in what drives the other side
• Building trust-based influence through the use of tactical empathy, or deliberately influencing the other side’s feelings
  • Aim to deactivate negative feelings and magnify positive feelings

Tone of Voice

Combative negotiators will often use an assertive tone of voice, and this often just gets your opponent off side. Instead, use a mix of these 2:

• Playful/accommodating
  • This is the voice of a bear of truths delivered gently
  • It promotes collaboration
  • Use it approximately 80% of the time
• Late night FM DJ
  • Use when they’re upset or agitated
  • Soothing, downward inflection
  • Use to highlight an unalterable fact

If you can nail the right tone, you’re that much closer to building trust-based influence and moving together toward a great deal.

Mirroring

This is the conscious repetition of your counterpart’s words. Mirrors are designed to show the other side that you’re listening to them and understanding them.

Example:

• Your negotiating partner: “I’ve had a really difficult year, and it seems like you’re discounting all of the financial and personal stress I’ve been under.”
• You: “Financial and personal stress?”

Mirroring is a rapport-building technique with wide applicability. It works as well at cocktail parties as it does during hostage negotiations.  Mirroring can be an effective means of quelling the often reflexive hostility of confrontational people.

Mirroring can also be used to gather intel. Using it will lead your counterpart to not only repeat themselves but to elaborate and offer additional details. This expands what you know about them and their position.

Labelling

Labelling is used to give voice to the other side’s feelings.

• It looks like…
• It seems like…
• You look like…

Note that you should avoid the 1^st person here… don’t say “I’m hearing…” or “I think…”. That would only signal that you are number 1 and everyone else is an afterthought. Keep it about them.

Labelling is designed to let the other side know that you understand their feelings, to help build relationships, and to gather information. It can be used both to reinforce positive emotions and to counteract negative emotions.

Example for a negative:

• You: “It seems like you’re finding this project frustrating”

Example for a positive:

• You: “It seems like you’ve been working really hard to make sure this project succeeds”

Dynamic Silence

Leaving a pause for a little longer than feels natural can in some cases help a lot to bring out more information.

Calibrated Questions

Calibrated questions are how and what questions structured for maximum effect. They are designed to change the power dynamic of the negotiation and force consideration of your position into the equation. In other words, they allow the other side to see things from your side of the table and allow everyone to keep their sense of autonomy intact.

Example:

• You: “How am I supposed to do that?”
• You: “What are you trying to accomplish by doing that?”

These questions also help cultivate the illusion of control in your counterpart. They can serve the same purpose as why questions while sounding less accusatory. Why questions tend to trigger a defensive posture.

Accusations Audit

Unexpressed negative emotions never die. They fester like an infection.

In preparing for a negotiation, you’d be well served to perform an accusations audit, during which you’ll create a comprehensive list of all the negative assumptions, thoughts, and feelings you think the other side may be harbouring against you.

Be exhaustive. Your goal is to list all the possible negative emotions and get out ahead of them. You want the other side to come back and say, “Hold on, you’re being too hard on yourself.” This would be an ideal response, as now your opponent is showing empathy for you.

Yes and No Questions

When it comes to a line of questioning, there are three types of yes answers :

1. Yes as a commitment (used to agree)
2. Yes as a confirmation (used to affirm commitment)
3. Yes as counterfeit (used tactically by someone who doesn’t trust you, feels trapped, or wants you to go away)

Often, a no can be much more valuable than a yes. In certain circumstances, people feel safe and protected by a no.

So, a question like:

1. “Is this a good idea?” may be better phrased as “Is this a ridiculous idea?”
2. “Can you agree to do it this way?” could be better presented as “Do you think it’s unreasonable if we can both agree to take things in this direction?”

When answering a yes question, people are going to feel that every piece of information they provide is another commitment to be made. By contrast, a no relieves them of the sense that they may have just surrendered their entire negotiating position.

And don’t forget that no is equally valuable to your own cause. After saying no, use dynamic silence to let it sink in, demonstrating to your partner that you stand by your word.

Defeating Fear of Loss

One of the primary negative emotions that can derail a negotiation is the fear of loss. Neuroscience teaches us that fear is a dominant factor in human decision-making. Use your skills to try and figure out what the other side is scared of losing.

Know that people will begin to talk about a deal being “fair” once they feel backed into a corner. Fairness, in this moment, becomes the end all/be all of the negotiation. People will even walk away from a good deal if they feel like they’ve been treated unfairly.

If you get the sense that the people across the table think you’re being unfair, encourage them to speak their minds about it. Then ask for a few examples of how you’ve allegedly been mistreating them. You may find that the other side’s idea of fairness will result in something that’s totally unfair for you. The key to negotiation may be deference, but that doesn’t equate to subservience.

Do whatever you can to deactivate this fear of loss—remember your mirrors and labels—and keep your negotiation grounded, collaborative, and positive.

Bargaining Strategies

When negotiating, it’s always best to steer clear of a bargaining situation. But sometimes it’s unavoidable. Below are the stages of the Ackerman system. It’s paramount to employ tactical empathy between each round:

• Establish a target price for the goods you want to buy.
• Make an initial offer at 65 percent of your target price.
• Assuming no deal, raise your price by 20 percent.
• Assuming no deal, raise your price by 10 percent.
• If still no deal, raise by another 5 percent.
• Your final offer should be an odd number, and you should be prepared to include some non-monetary compensation to show them you’re committing all of your available resources.

Body Language and Speech Patterns

We all have one way of telling the truth. If you can identify how your counterpart looks and sounds when he or she is being honest with you, then you’ll be able to detect any deviations from that pattern that may signal a lie. Keep the following in mind:

• The Pinocchio Effect
  People who are being dishonest tend to use more words and effort than necessary to communicate their point.
• The 7-38-55 Rule
  In interpersonal communications, 7 percent of a person’s effort is conveyed via spoken words, 38 percent by tone of voice, and 55 percent through body language.

When you’re at the negotiating table, pay attention to how people speak and act. Do the words they’re saying match up with the way they’re carrying themselves? Look at the people who are not talking—what does their body language signal to you? People who are being sincere don’t typically calculate their body language. The opposite is true of people who are being dishonest.

If you sense people are being deceitful, deploy a label using your inquisitive inflection: “It seems like I’ve missed something here?” A lie indicates that the other side is afraid to tell you the truth—they perceive you as a threat. In short, you’ve just encountered more negative emotions to be deactivated. To help defuse them, revert again to the late-night FM DJ voice, avoid all traces of accusation, and get your counterparts to drop their guard.

There’s a filter I try to use every day to make sure I’m maximizing the effect my work is having on the business. It’s called the 80-20 rule, or the Pareto Principle.

The theory states that

• 20% of your customers will give you 80% of your revenue
• You wear 20% of your clothes 80% of the time
• You use 20% of software features to get 80% of the value of that software
• 20% of the population control 80% of the wealth
• 20% of the players in a sports team create 80% of the wins
• You spend 20% of your time to produce 80% of your day’s output
• And the one we really care about today: 20% of the effort you make produces 80% of the results

It comes down to whether you use your time efficiently or effectively. AKA working smarter, not harder.

Efficiency

You may spend a busy day getting a lot done, ticking off a lot of tasks, having a lot of meetings, and finishing the day thinking, “I used my time efficiently today and got a lot done”. You give yourself a pat on the back and think you did well, but did you actually do anything useful today? Or did you just complete a bunch of stuff that didn’t really matter.

Effectiveness

Instead, take some time at the beginning of the day to work out which of the tasks on your plate really matter. Which ones will unblock others and allow them to get more done. Which will have a disproportionate result on the business. Over time you’ll be able to work out a hierarchy of work, allowing you to do it in the right order every time without having to think too hard about it. You may find that you end up getting fewer tasks done in a day, but the ones you did were important, and really made a difference.

This past year has been surprisingly busy for IT professionals. When COVID hit, we all battened down the hatches, expecting a potential business downturn. However, within a month, a wave of new business hit our doors, as companies realized they needed to be able to offer their services online to stay relevant.

This, of course, was also the point that we had sent everyone to work from home, and since our main point of difference from overseas development houses was our locality and communication skills, this was a risk for us. The solution was to make sure our consultants were able to be as effective as possible while working remotely.

If you are facing the same challenge, here are some tips:

Webcam and mic

The experience of speaking to someone on a video call can range from terrible to excellent, depending on a few things.

If the webcam and mic on their laptop is not up to the job, get them an external webcam. Even a simple Microsoft Lifecam for AUD $100 is usually sufficient and has a decent inbuilt microphone.

If you want to one level higher, you can fork out $600 for a full Marantz Turret with a high quality camera, mic, and light. However, be aware that this will not be centered with their screen, so often they will not look like they’re looking at the camera.

 

Video call background

A good background separates people who look like they were forced to work from home and those who can thrive there. It’s not always possible to do all of these, but in a perfect world you do as many of the following as possible:

1. Keep it tidy. A messy background can be distracting
2. Close doors and cupboards
3. Possibly use a screen behind you – ideally with company colours
4. Digital background options
   1. Blur – simple and effective
   2. Take a photo from where your webcam usually is at your desk at work and use that as your digital background

Touch base

We take general office banter and water cooler talk for granted and, although some of us feel like we spend all day on Teams calls, you should remember that there is another extreme for people who do not get to talk to anyone all day.

Make sure everyone you’re managing is part of a team and do at least a Daily Scrum call to check in with each other each day. If you’ve got people who are not part of a larger team, consider having a daily check-in call for those people yourself. No one should be left without any human contact for days at a time as it can be isolating and demotivating.

Think “Remote first”

In the instance you have some people co-located, and 1 or more people remote, it’s best to prioritise the remote people as much as possible. They are missing out on the body language and non-verbal cues that the rest of you will enjoy, and they will not be able to hear any muttered back channels, so whenever someone talks, make sure they talk towards the mic.

Daily Scrums

Even if you don’t usually use Scrum to manage your staff, Daily Scrums are a very valuable tool to quickly touch base with your team and make sure they’re on track, both with how much they’re getting done each day, and whether their understanding of the project priorities line up with yours (i.e. what order the work is done in).

Ideally you can use something like Azure DevOps to prioritise and track work items, but even a free tool like Trello can work in a pinch.

Bots are pieces of software that can speak and be spoken to, either in text form, e.g. web chat, or in voice form, e.g. Siri.

A bot could enable you to text a number to order pizza and have it delivered without ever talking to a real human.

A bot could also allow you to ask a question in natural language, and will provide you the answer. It can often do this by digesting a company’s knowledge base, and either linking you to the correct place, or else give you the answer directly.

Another use for a bot is to kick off an automated task. If you’ve ever asked Siri to set an alarm or reminder, read you a message, or even turn on the lights in your smart home, then you know what I mean

Bots During Coronavirus Season

Businesses at the moment are struggling with both a supply and demand problem. The downturn in the economy has reduced demand in many sectors, while also simultaneously making it hard for many people to work due to social distancing concerns.

There are also record numbers of queries on forums such as job boards, requests for information on welfare, and concerned people trying to get the latest information on what changes are being made.

This is a perfect opportunity for Bots to shine:

• They are infinitely scalable (i.e. can talk to thousands of people at once)
• They work 24-7
• They never get sick

The best customer experience generally happens when a bot fields initial queries, and then passes over to a human agent only if it gets stuck. This combats the possible downside of a customer potentially asking questions the bot can’t answer, while still deflecting the majority of tickets with an instant answer that requires no human effort.

Examples of ways Bots have helped during this crisis so far:

• Centrelink – the welfare government services have been hammered by applications for the dole as well as requests for information. Bots have been able to deal with a huge proportion of the cut and dry cases.
• Remote work support – the sudden shift from people working in offices to at home has caused a big change to people’s requirements for their home internet. Bots have helped telecommunications suppliers to make sure their customers’ requests can be answered or actioned in real time, at any time of day or night.
• COVID-19 information – more powerful general purpose bots such as Siri, Cortana, or the Google Assistant can get key information from certain websites to be able to instantly ask common questions such as “How many Coronavirus cases are there in Australia?”

Bot Frameworks

Microsoft Azure and Google DialogFlow are both excellent frameworks for building custom bots, and both provide voice recognition, natural language processing, and workflow tools.

If you want to build a custom bot for your own company, have a look at https://www.ssw.com.au/ssw/Consulting/Bots.aspx and maybe give me a call.

Stay safe.

Further reading: Adam Cogan, who owns SSW, did a piece on bots last year:. Check it out to see 5 simple questions that bots should be answering in your business: https://adamcogan.com/2019/09/26/i-like-big-bots-and-i-cannot-lie